ATTITUDE.

of english.

Pointless english phrases...

1. "Guess what?"

Usually used to start a conversation, this leaves me with about 3215630182769870 possible answers and endless combinations.
Karen: OMG BEKAH GUESS WHAT ?
Me: A TOUR OF SOUP CANS COLLAPSED ON YOU.
Karen: No =_=
Me: You found the last living dodo bird?
Karen: NOO.
Me: i give up. what? (which is, inevitably, ALWAYS the answer to this question.)
Karen: i burped. HEE HEE.
(note :as much as i wish accounts like the above were fictional, they have happened with karen many times before)

2. "can i ask you a question?"

no you can't, and i didn't give you permission to ask that first question so take it back.

3. "I couldn't agree more"

as opposed to agreeing less.

4. "Honestly" / "To tell you the truth" / "Honestly speaking" (reminiscent of a certain form 3 science teacher) / "To be honest with you"

which implies that anything said prior to this was a complete fabrication.

5. "seriously? / "really?"

no. i like wasting my breath rambling on about something only to have it taper off into nothing.

6. "YOU KNOW WHAT JUST HAPPENED?" / "DID YOU JUST SEE/HEAR THAT?"

no i don't, and i presume that you know that i don't know as well, seeing as how you're about to tell me anyway
no i didn't, i tend to not pay any attention whatsoever to what is going on around me. do recount everything for me.

7. "not really"

me: do you want to see your fat, hairy neighbour raping your sister in a funny hat?
you: not really.
=_=
the correct answer would be... "NO."

8. "nothing"

me: what are you doing
you: nothing.
everyone is continually doing something.
(though if you are an ass and would like to be able to shut me up, you may answer "nothing i am aware of")

9. "has your ride come yet?" / "has our bus come already?" / "haven't you left yet?"

you: haven't you left yet?
me: yes i have. there is a warp in the space-time continuem that is misleading you to believe that i am still here.

10. "are you sleeping?"

yes, i am fast asleep at the moment.

11. "did you cut your hair?

No, it’s Autumn and I’m shedding. -bodicea

12. "i mean" / "i meant" (when used without asking what is meant)

i know damn well what you meant.

13. "hahaha. that's funny."

i mistook your laughter for a sorrow-filled lament / impersonation of my aunt in a blender / recital of the national anthem, thank you for clearing that up for me.

14. "up to you"

me: when shall we meet?
you: up to you.
CB CB CB I HATE THIS.
by asking you to decide on when/what/who/how/WHATEVER, i have passed it on to YOU to decide, probably because i do not wish to decide myself.

some credit to bodicea, whose post on this topic got me started.

Labels: bitchin', rantZ

-kill%bek_ah

Mah Music.